In February of 2010 I wrote an article entitled Victim of Changes where I explored three contrasting perspectives of how one views positive and negative events as they relate to the broader context of their life.
Since then, I’ve recently discovered a trend; those who say that “everything happens for a reason” has experienced some significant pain or trauma. While I am sure there are exceptions to this claim, I can’t think of a reason why someone would use this phrase if they had not gone through this type of experience.
From my perspective, it’s an interesting contradiction – by causing pain, God has, in some respect, prompted (forced?) these individuals to believe in him (or at least in some higher authority or plan). This, I think, has always been a struggle for me.
I mention this particular phrase primarily because it resurfaced the other day in a lunch meeting with a past colleague. Later on, that comment prompted me to think about what has happened and where I am in my life today.
But is this where I am “supposed” to be? “Supposed” assumes there is a predestined path for me (and for others).
For argument’s sake, if there was truly such a path, does emotion still play a role? For example, if adversity strikes, does it benefit you (or anyone for that matter) to feel sad or angry about it? If adversity was part of “the plan” it ultimately doesn’t matter what you feel about it – “it just is.”
Think about it. If you truly believe that there is a higher authority and that “everything happens for a reason” then at some level, negative emotion should not exist in your life. If something bad should happen to you, “that’s life!” and you should quickly (and naturally) move on to the next chapter, next relationship, etc. void of any negative emotion or lingering concerns / doubt.
At some level it’s a utopian existence. After all, in this frame of mind you’ll feel good all the time! (“it’s part of the plan!”) But of course, the emotional disconnect will be there; when unfortunate events occur, your lack of emotion may prompt the question “Do you even care?” to which you’ll naturally reply “Care about what?”
Using the phrase “everything happens for a reason” is a logical response to a nebulous, confusing and sometimes painful life path. It’s another example of why the human dynamic is so complex; using logic to rationalize the unexplained, but subsequently claiming that “logic” has no place in one’s life – i.e. “life planning is meaningless”, “don’t analyze, just enjoy ..”, etc.
I can, of course, see the partial foolishness in this argument. One is going to feel certain emotions regardless of their belief in a higher authority or “master plan.” And, at some level, you almost have to believe that there is a predefined destiny for you. Not believing this in some capacity can result in emotional and physical stagnation.
As of me, history will dissuade me from using this particular phrase, but my replacement belief is a combination of the following:
- Anything is possible.
- A belief in oneself is perhaps the most important religion of them all.