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SFP I: “Choices”

About a year ago, I watched a documentary about human relationships.  There was one segment that I found extremely interesting.

Approximately 20 women and men (equal distribution) were placed in a room and asked to select who they felt were most likely to choose them as a potential mate.  Each individual was ultimately faced with two primary decision factors (among many):

Factor #1: Who am I attracted to?

Factor #2: What is the likelihood that this individual will feel similarly about me?

While one’s measure of attractiveness varies, particularly by individual and culture, it’s something that is inherent to one’s personality.  Thus, if you aren’t given an explicit opportunity to learn about that individual for who they really are, your measure of attraction isn’t likely going to change and is based solely on one’s physical appearance.  This is normal.

The second factor is a blend of risk, self-worth and ego.  In this example, one may eliminate someone they’re attracted to there is a likelihood of that person not sharing similar feelings (e.g. “I won’t ask her/him because she/he will probably say no ..”) To some degree, this casts light on how one feels about her or himself, both on the outside and inside.

If you feel positively about yourself and believe that your companionship is valuable, that same attitude will reflect onto others regardless of your physical appearance.  A positive external image is short-lived if one’s self-worth is lacking.

Thus, the key to attracting and selecting potential partners is to focus all attention on the first factor (“instinctual attraction”) and eliminate the second through positive and unbreakable feelings of self-worth.  Employing this strategy doesn’t necessarily guarantee a successful outcome (as I’ve recently discovered), but it’s a strategy that needs to be followed nevertheless.

(SFP = Self-fulfilling prophecy)

 

Total Recall and the “Recovery Model”

In the movie Total Recall, Arnold Schwartznegger is faced with an interesting dilemma – he doesn’t know who he is.

“[…] While evading his assailants, he receives a phone call from someone claiming to be a former friend of his who had been asked to deliver a briefcase if he ever disappeared. The briefcase contains false IDs, money, weapons, devices, and a video player, containing a video disk he left to himself beforehand. Watching it, Quaid starts piecing together his past on Mars as a secret agent. […]” (Wikipedia, “Total Recall“)

When I saw the movie – now nineteen years ago! – I was intrigued with the concept of recording video for the sole purpose of watching it in the future.  It’s only recently where I’ve found a real purpose to employ this concept in real-life.

In the book “Blink“, Malcolm Gladwell focuses on the concept of “thin slicing” – gathering just enough data / information to accelerate decision-making, while still ensuring the decision is “sound”.

Interestingly enough, one of the examples presented in the text shows the downside of “thin slicing” – making rapid (but unconscious) decisions when faced with a life-threatening situation.  From the text:

“Our mind, faced with a life-threatening situation, drastically limits the range and amount of information that we have to deal with.  Sound and memory and broader social understanding are sacrificed in favor of heightened awareness of the threat directly in front of us.

“The optimal state of “arousal” – the range in which stress improves performance – is when our heart rate is between 115 and 145 beats per minute.  After 145, “bad things start to happen”.  Complex motor skills start to break down.  Doing something with one hand and not the other becomes very difficult.  At 175, we begin to see an absolute break-down of cognitive processing.”

From this excerpt alone, it would appear that making quality decisions in these types of situations is next to impossible.  Fortunately, with training and experience, we have the ability to improve our decision-making skills even when time is very limited.  From the text:

“Every moment – every blink – is composed of a series of discrete moving parts, and every one of those parts offers an opportunity for intervention, for reform, and for correction.”

What if, however, we took a reverse approach and conceptually accelerated time even further – i.e. providing a glimpse into the future?  This is where the Total Recall concept comes into play – i.e. recording video in the past for use in the future.

Let’s say that your house has been burglarized or that someone in your family has died unexpectedly.  In all likelihood, you are going to experience a sense of shock that such an event could happen.  The sheer disbelief may leave you somewhat paralyzed wondering what to do next.  Your ability to make effective decisions is going to be very poor.  Even if there are people there to help, you may find it difficult to comprehend what they are telling you.

One solution is to record instructions to yourself in advance of the actual event.

By accelerating time, you now have introduced a dimension of guidance that was previously unavailable.  You are, through the video, a digital representation into your subconscious.  By listening to the instructions presented in the video, you may be able to make better decisions to help you move forward and “survive” that particular event.  Providing guidance, encouragement and empathy in the video is also critical.

When you accelerate time, you have the power to develop effective “recovery models” to allow for enhanced decision-making in situations where one’s judgment and decision-making ability is impaired.

While the examples presented suggest the use of pre-recorded video for “life-altering” circumstances, this concept may also apply to situations where feelings of confidence loss or self-worth become at the forefront – the videos provide a temporary boost and represent perhaps the purest form of self-encouragement.