About a year ago, I watched a documentary about human relationships. There was one segment that I found extremely interesting.
Approximately 20 women and men (equal distribution) were placed in a room and asked to select who they felt were most likely to choose them as a potential mate. Each individual was ultimately faced with two primary decision factors (among many):
Factor #1: Who am I attracted to?
Factor #2: What is the likelihood that this individual will feel similarly about me?
While one’s measure of attractiveness varies, particularly by individual and culture, it’s something that is inherent to one’s personality. Thus, if you aren’t given an explicit opportunity to learn about that individual for who they really are, your measure of attraction isn’t likely going to change and is based solely on one’s physical appearance. This is normal.
The second factor is a blend of risk, self-worth and ego. In this example, one may eliminate someone they’re attracted to there is a likelihood of that person not sharing similar feelings (e.g. “I won’t ask her/him because she/he will probably say no ..”) To some degree, this casts light on how one feels about her or himself, both on the outside and inside.
If you feel positively about yourself and believe that your companionship is valuable, that same attitude will reflect onto others regardless of your physical appearance. A positive external image is short-lived if one’s self-worth is lacking.
Thus, the key to attracting and selecting potential partners is to focus all attention on the first factor (“instinctual attraction”) and eliminate the second through positive and unbreakable feelings of self-worth. Employing this strategy doesn’t necessarily guarantee a successful outcome (as I’ve recently discovered), but it’s a strategy that needs to be followed nevertheless.
(SFP = Self-fulfilling prophecy)